Fourth Quarter Blues

The end of the school year is near....always marked by end of the year standardized testing of my older children. The focus on school projects (how I hate them...more work for me). The daily fight of what to wear to school (shorts vs. pants). The arguements about even going to school, obviously the novelty has worn off. The threat of the summer heat is on my heels. The bordem of staying in town for the summer also looms. The stressing out over next year's teachers (yes, I know the new school year is almost 4 months away. Ahhh...it must be spring.

Ms. Negativity

I need to be more positive. I dread things on habit, and sometimes things turn out alright. I don't want to deal with the morning tantrums and I anticipate the arguments even before they start. I just see all that can go wrong, and I want to run for the hills. Many times my worst case scenario doesn't happen. I've been seeing the bad side of things lately. I try to hide it from the world. Put on a smile and pretend everything is peachy, when you don't want to. I need to see the more positive sides of things, or at least not harp on the bad.

Job Search 202

I went on my 2nd interview in 10 years yesterday. It is for a Charter School in Queen Creek. I must admit I wasn't as nervous about it as I thought I would be. I was anxious prior to going (visions of my tardiness danced in my head), and how professional I looked, but the actual time spent with the principal was not a cause of stress. I think it went well. I looked nice in my light brown retro-50s inspired loose belted Calvin Klein dress from TJ Maxx. I paired it with a smart brown purse and fun open toed sling backs. Conservative but not stuffy. It was a very laid back interview, which I'm not certain if it was because of the environment of the school or the fact that it is Arizona and dressed up means no flip flops allowed. None the less, professional me has arrived. I must say I think this stay at home mom earned some interview props from his feedback. Now if I actually land the job, that is another story.

Background Change

I was bored. I shouldn't search for html codes. I haven't abandoned the purpose of the change (keeping my New York background until I get to go home with my kids). But this one was too cute to pass up. Maybe the black background is reflective of my mood,I'mnot sure. But I do know I miss my home and my old friends, even my cousins....

Whole Lotta Prada Purse Love

While dream surfing on Bluefly.com I came across these beauties of purses. Since it is the official beginning of spring, I'm thinking new purses! So....anyone have an extra $1500 lying around they want to lend me? Anyone?? Didn't think so. A girl can always dream....

Need to Find My Groove

I have been feeling a bit scattered lately. I suppose this is what people with ADD must feel like. I have fallen off my weight loss and fitness goals (yep I've gained 8 pounds this year and am now ticked off about it). I go to the gym, but don't have to strong pull to be there. It use to be my happy place, where I would go and refocus myself. Now it feels like a chore. I am stress eating, and I know it. No hunger there (thanks again Paxil). I have now resigned myself to start looking for employment at my second and third choices (and even thought about my bottom of the barrel least rewarding teaching experiences). Desperation is creeping in. I just want to find a bit of a groove. To feel like I have a routine. Not: will I have a job?, where will I be living?, what will I be doing? I just need to regain some sense of control. I guess I should start with my fitness, at least I have some control over that.

Youngest Child Syndrome

Birth Order. I never did give it much credit, until I looked at me own children. Three children, who are epitomize the theory. Rachel, my youngest, she is killing me with being the youngest. The baby. She teters on wanting to be involved with the older kids, and milking her status as the little one. She will whine and cry until she wears us down. She wants us to dress her. To wash her. To carry her. She manipulates people to get her way. But when we tell her she isn't old or big enough to do something, she pouts and throws mini tantrums. All of a sudden she is big enough. She has become a little tyrant and is wearing the whole family thin. But she is the baby of the family, and that will not change.

Spring Has Sprung

Here in Arizona, spring means the return of upper 80s weather. Pollen in March. And me sneezing, stuffy and miserable. I do admit to liking spring....what with baseball and short sleeves (and me arguing with the kids about wearing shorts...gosh they only get to wear them from end of April until the end of October for goodness sake!

But too much is in bloom. Too many headaches. Too much spring cleaning. And now this year I have added the pressures of turning my world upside down. The trees and plants are having a new life, who knew I would be unconsciously jealous of the season and be creating my own?

Era Living

No, I'm not talking about the Equal Rights Amendment. This isn't going to be a feminist rant. I'm talking about different time periods in which you would like to live (maybe not a whole life, but a little time travel vacation to) and experience. As many of you know I am a bit of a historical fiction buff, so these thoughts have crossed my mind quite often.

The Elizabethan times was one of my first thoughts. Think castles and knights in shinning armor. Court life and the fantastic gowns. Mind you I would have to be rich to want to experience it. I don't see too much glamour in being a scullery maid.

Victorian England (ok, my British roots are showing). Again the gowns....but damn I bet my waist would look realll good in a corset, it might be worth not being able to breathe. The chivalry, the idleness. Again I would have to be rich, and definitely in the latter half of the time period, those bustle were pretty ugly in the early part. Plus some more modern conviences did start popping up, like gas lamps and train travel.

The 1920s. Just reading about the flapper experience wows me. It is quite interesting that I would want to live both Victorian and the roaring 20s, since the latter is a direct response to the former. But again, the fashion draws me. The jazz and the speak-easies would be such a thrill.

I wonder if future generations will look back upon the time my life has spanned and wish to live in my own era?

FedEx and Free Copies

I came across this article from my old hometown newspaper, Newsday. It is a quick one and gave me a bit of a chuckle:

http://www.newsday.com/business/ny-bzfedex0311,0,6292408.story

It is comforting to know I am not the only one who is need of these give-aways.

Personal Economic Crisis

I shudder to look at the Dow...my stocks have lost so much value it makes me physically ill. My home has lost about 100k. My bank accounts accumulate almost 0 interest. As we are dividing up our assets, it's becoming increasingly clear, I will be officially poor. I need a job desperately in order to survive. Nevermind being able to have some luxuries, we are talking about having a roof over mine and my children's head. It's been a long time since I was poor. I've forgotten how hard it is to live on my salary alone....paycheck to paycheck. Right now I'll just settle for a paycheck at all, but then again Arizona will penalize me in my support if I make any money at all. What a lovely catch-22 it is.

Clone Myself

Spring must be in the air. The kids activities triple, and of course they all occur at the same time. Alas, such is the life of a mom with 3 kids. Eventhough I have caught a break with only one playing baseball (instead of three like in the fall with soccer), I still seem to run around on the weekends. Drive Jason to practice, drive Rachel and Amanda to a party, drive back to the field for Jason, and back again for the girls. That is how I spent about three hours of my day. I just wish I could clone myself...it would make it so much easier. Maybe I should just keep going back in time to those crazy days to help myself out. But I'm certain that would mess up the time continum somehow. It's been awhile since I was in calculus and physics....so I'll leave that to my ever so loyal readership to figure out.

Spring Break

Someone needs to inform our school district Spring doesn't begin until the middle of March, and the majority of our break is not during the time. It should be called "two weeks of your children arguing and driving you crazy with their complaining they are bored". But I suppose that would be too long to fit on their calendar. I truly am despising the "modified" calendar our schools are following. For those of you not in our district, this means starting school around the 25th of July and going until the end of May. The trade off is three 2 week breaks during the year, which always have a day or two tacked on so half the months of October and March are spent at home. I always have some grandiose plans of going sight seeing or vacationing. It never seems to pan out. This break I think the only major accomplishment will be cleaning out their old toys and their bedrooms. Good ol' Spring Cleaning for Spring Break.

Gives You Hell

Gotta love All-American Rejects.

Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l06M-dsQf3Q

Carb Freaking

I am not hungry. Not in the least. It's in the middle of the afternoon. I have spent the last hour or so looking for employment and housing. Staring at numbers and budgeting options. What do I do with my raising anxiety? Girl Scout Cookies. Bread. Candy. Empty calories, but even more enticing, Carbs! I swear I can't add that much time to my treadmill to counteract my negative eating habits. I know upping my Paxil doseage is not the answer. It's relaxation of my brain. I need to channel these bad habits (for that is exactly what they are) into something more constructive. Maybe every time I want to head to the pantry, I should just do crunches.

A Whole Decade

Another milestone has been reached. My oldest child turns 10 on Tuesday. Double digits. It really makes me feel old. Now my kids don't seem so young anymore. And that ages me. I remember when Jason was in preschool, and there were some other moms who were there with their youngest. That was when I was the "young" mom, and they were the old ones. They would be complaining about hot flashes and wrinkles. I would chuckle as they would lament about PTA and Little League. Oh how quickly that has come back to bite me.

But this is about Jason, not me.

So now I have an older child, a tween. He is still such a darling little boy. He still doesn't like girls. He loves his video games and playing sports. He has no clue about fashion, and he still beleives in fair play. He starts Webelos and is basically a great kid. I'm sure I will look back and be grateful for the wonderful son I have. I hope he grows to be an awesome adult someday.