Side Effects of Being My Friend

I think I need to put one of those surgeon general warnings on myself. I would read something like this:

Be Aware, maintaining friendly contact with this woman can cause certain side effects. Checking out hot men, obsessive desires to go shopping, frequent trips to nail salons, long phone conversations, incite the need to smack people who annoy you, engaging in political discussions, sending multitude of text messages, and obsessive needs to have other friends on social networking sites. Please proceed with caution while interacting with this person. If you find the above side effects are negatively affecting your daily life, please go directly to a Starbucks or a Paradise bakery for a good java jolt, and you should return to normal.