Ego Boost?

I know I should be flattered, but I must admit I am getting a bit annoyed lately.

Ladies, if you want to boost your ego stop wearing your wedding rings. Since I have stopped wearing mine, I have become a magnet for men. It seems, regardless of their own marital status, a women whose left ring finger is bear is free game. Nevermind you may be minding your own business. Nevermind you may have forgotten to put it on. Or possibly you are in a relationship or not. It doesn't seem to matter.

Watch What You Wish For

....or you just might get it.

I made the unfortunate mistake of reading my past posts. There is a definitive evolution of my thoughts and feelings during the past 15 months or so. I can hardly imagine the transformation I have undergone. I had so much more to say back then. Or maybe just more time to reflect and do so. My life is just as unsettled now as it is then, but in such a different way. I was pining for time to myself. Or wishing to be seen and appreciated for an intelligent and self sufficient person. Now, I do get time alone....and I am truly alone. Just as I sit here at my computer and am typing my bed is empty. I am self sufficient but at what cost? I have pushed my youngest daughter into the hands of caregivers, and into a more challenging life at such an earlier age. I suppose everything you want has its costs, and we all just are willing to pay different prices for it.

Place in Suburbia

There is a heirarchy of women living in the rooftops of every American white picket fence world. You see them hanging out at the park together and at the elementary school. They are the stay-at-home moms with young children. They congregate and plan the carpools for activities. They are active in their children's school PTOs and the entire school staff know them. They are the coach's wives and are actively involved. This is their importance in life. For the past 8 years this was my station in life. Once I got seperated, I was straddling two worlds, that of the involved parent and that of the independent woman. The old friends of mine still would talk to me daily. I was "in the know" of the homestead. We sat on the sidelines together. Carpooled and chatted. Our children would play on the sidelines. They were interested and concerned about my changes in my life. Many prodding me to "save my family". Now that I have been living on my own, these people are fading from my life right before my very eyes. It's as if my marital status has changed how I am related to. I feel like an outsider looking in. Assumptions have been made by others about my participation in activities I would do with my friends, because it is assumed I am "too busy" now. I feel out of place...

Postcard from Cali

Here I am sitting in a cheap hotel room in sunny (but not so warm) San Diego. What an adventure it was getting here. First Rachel wasn't feeling well yesterday, but I was optimistic with her today. Then before going, Jason shows me these strange raised bumps all over his body. My first reaction was: Chicken Pox. A quick detour to Urgent Care, and the "professional" opinion is: we don't believe it to be chicken pox, but not sure what it is (possibly ant bites from playing outside yesterday). I make the on-the-spot decision we are going west. We quickly pack up and head off. I have never driven to California before, and truly hadn't driven out of the Phoenix metro area in the 4 long years I've been in the desert. The Arizona part of I8 is, ummm...well boring. Lots of miles of nothingness (unless you count cacti and farmland as *something*). The kids were excited going through the pass into Yuma. It was pretty cool looking. Jason was excited to cross over the Colorado river, and enter California. No one told me what to expect on the California side of this adventure. First, sand dunes. I don't even know how to describe them, but it was such a different type of desert than I have grown use to. It was somewhat familiar with the wind whipping the sand all over the road. Then the hike in elevation (we got close to 4200 ft.). Winding, climbing narrow road....and oh so windy. It was a bit scary for me. I have to admit it. I was a little freaked out. And probably the oddest part of our road adventure....I went through three border check points, and never left the United States. Not so sure how that works. I was never so happy to see El Cajon in my life! We have had our own "California Adventure" without paying any admission prices.

If Only...

I had an extra couple of grand I would head straigh over to Saks and pick myself up this little beauty.....Gotta love Dior.

Since moving out on my own with the children, the stress level of my children is thick. Rachel tells me how 2 kids have blamed her for pushing a boy at school(I don't doubt she did- I'm so not in parental denial). She's having meltdowns over going first all the time. She hates all foods she once loved. Fighting with her siblings (she is at least consistent with her aggressive behavior and stands up to boys). Amanda melts down at least 5 times a week.....over me not spending enough time helping her with homework, to my taking her siblings to the pool without her (she was at a sleepover). She has made whinning an art form. Jason is backing to stressing out at school. He complains he tired of not being able to do anything because of his sisters. And he can't seem to keep track of his clothes or his trumpet. Maybe it's too much shuttling around from the two houses. Maybe I need to actually limit their time at their dad's...to give them a home base. Maybe we just need a vacation.

Monkey Wrenches

Just when I think I have it all figured out, something pops up and changes it. I have settled into a new little routine, figured out how to be a new me, and then poof...there goes gravity...

Gosh, I guess I was spoiled for a long time with alot of the same old, same old. Now, since coming to Arizona, I feel like the world is spinning out of control. I'm not sure what side is up. I just smile and go along with everything. Now I am just one big huge question mark. My confidence is taking a beating. I am fighting every urge to run away, FAST.

Check Please!

I am so geared up for this upcoming weekend. I resolve to spend a little me time. I have both Friday and Monday off, so I am a bit over the edge in what to do with myself. I need to have some sanity, and I am hoping this will be my saving grace. I just don't want to have to think about lesson plans, soccer practice (yep it's that wonderful time of year again), waking up early, bulletin boards, record keeping. I want hair, nails, makeup and shopping. The kids are in school on Friday, so off to the salon I go. They are spending that night at their dad's....hmm I sense an evening out. And to top off my "me" time, they will remain at John's Saturday during the day. I will keep my resolve and not spend my time on work, and just check out of my reality. Even if it is for less than 48 hours, I will do it!

The Plague

Well, I suppose it could be called that if the infestation was crickets. But this house sure feels like I am in the middle of the Chirping Hell. I don't know where in the world they are coming from, but every night I go a-hunting. I even hava a special shoe for my smackdown. I search out at least 5 a night. Where are they coming from? No one is home all day to let them inside. I find them in my bathtub too. Are they sneaking in the drains? Rachel is scared of them. Jason hunts with me, and Amanda is ambivalent. But I swear I haven't had this many creepy crawlies (or should I say jumpers?) co-habitting with me since I moved here. Maybe the little critters are just as tired of the oppressive heat as we all are, and are just looking to cool off. Whatever it is, I need to call the exterminator again, and rid me of these nasty things.

Wanna Get My Brooklyn On

I've been feeling a little feisty lately. I'm not sure if it is a hormonal thing or what. All I do know is I've been itching for a knock down, drawn out, smack some down, fight. I'm not usually very confrontational, but I have this hype inside me that is just itching for it. Almost along the lines of getting piss drunk at a biker bar and curse out some leather-clad motorcycle mama itch. I could have done some damange this past weekend, but kept it under control. Damn Paxil....

Power(ball) Dreaming

So the big jackpot is over $200 million. That's a lot of pocket change. One can not help but to wonder what you would do with that much money. But what really happens to people who win that much money. Does it ruin their lives? Make them become insensitve to others? Selfish? Or do they become victims of people trying to take advantage of money they never earned? We would all like to think we would continue to live our lives the same way as always, but we all do know that deep down inside it does change us in ways we can't predict. Aww, hell, I'll take my chances and play anyways!

Big F----ing Deal

So here I am, a year old and sure as hell not wiser. I spent the day the same as I would any other day. Did laundry. Went into work to make some copies and set up for my incoming volunteer. Went to Target. So this is what my world has come to. It truly is just another day. Why would I expect anything other? Have I not learned my lesson. Christmas is for the kids. I've always been on my own for Mother's day and shared it with my own mother. This is suppose to be *my* day. To my family and friends something unique to me. But in the end, it is just another day. Maybe it is better that way, no real recognition of it, therefore I can deny it really ever existed.

Perception is Everything

I'm not certain if it is my special education background, or the past 10 years of being a mom, but I do think how I perceive things has differed from when I was younger. For example, while I am certified to teach elementary education, it has been a long time since I have been in an exclusively general education class (I've been in inclusion rooms). And I had a lot of experience with the under 6 crowd. Now, obviously I have a lot of knowledge in curriculum, methodology, adaptation of materials, testing and assessments. But nothing like a good old mom to handle to hard stuff. Vomit. On my first day back teaching, a child vomitted on her desk. I didn't even blink an eye. I comforted her, cleaned it up and sent her off to the nurse. Later in the day, I was asked by a colleuge how my day was going, and without thinking I answered, "Fine, no problems, oh except I had a kid puke on her desk." All very nonchalantly. Either my standards have been lowered or my tolerence has been raised. Either way, the girl was back and happy the next day. Maybe all that "other area training" paid off afterall.

Sacrifice

Going back to work has been a bit of a challenge. The kids are being bounced back and forth from the two houses. The are in before-school care a couple days of week. Their babysitter picks them up from school now. I can't help but regret what I am missing out with Rachel. She is the first one I didn't take to kindergarten. I have no pictures of her first day at the big kid school. (Poor thing, she really only had one year of preschool also). This was a pretty big milestone, and I had to utter those dreadful words, "I have to work honey". She already grows up too fast, having a bossy sister to push her along. I can't help but to think I am pushing her even harder. But the choice of paying the rent and working, or that trailer in AJ...I suppose the choice is easy.

Summer Is Over

In case you have yet to hear the news, Chandler, AZ believes summer is over. It has started it's "Fall" session in July. Yep, 108 degrees but "they" (who are "they" anyway?...I've always wondered that) think it's a good idea to drag the kids kicking and screaming from they family vacations to cooler locales to sit in a desk and have recess when they issue heat advisories. No fall clothes shopping (not that the retailers aren't pushing them). No crisp autumn air. Just flip flops and sizzling metal bike racks.

Sums it Up Lately

Next Milestone

Tomorrow I official am gainfully employed full time. I have 2 weeks of training and meetings to prepare my to teach 1st grade at Eduprize. After an 8 year hiatus, I have returned. I was so worried I wouldn't get a job, but that seems a little distant for me now. Since accepting this position at the end of May, I have been called to interview at 7 other schools in the East Valley. So, I suppose I am employable, but I never thought it would be in general education. Most of my experience has been in special education, and there is a greater demand for that field. But the Lord has guided me to my new school. I am have never been so excited to start a job as I am with this one. It could be because it is a symbol of my independence, or a new chapter in my life. But I would like to think it is more because I felt so at home there. I really listened to my inner thoughts, and it all seemed so right. Now don't get me wrong, I am fully aware of the politics of working in a school. But I am looking forward to working with kids again, and being the professional I was.

Kids New "Pet"

When we moved to our rental home, we didn't bring our two cats with us. Rachel loves the cats very much and this has been an area of contention for her. Since we are not allowed to have pets, she has been a bit upset, to say the least. Well, it seems like we have been "adopted" by a lizard. Every late afternoon, a lizard (now named Lizzy by the girls) appears on the screen to the bathroom outside door. It must be a cool spot for it during the hottest part of the day. Yesterday, the little thing got into the bathroom. Rachel thought it was the best thing, and tried in earnest to catch it. Amanda, my creature lover, was a bit put off by the intruder. So I suppose I can make the landlord and the kids happy, and have an outdoor lizard pet.

This Post Will Get Hits

Watch out site meter.

This story is just too funny not to tell. It is amazing what excites little girls.

The kids are curious out the new house we will be renting for the next year. We have been in the process of moving the boxes and clothes since Tuesday. Ever since we started this process, Rachel has been dying to take a shower. Since she has forgone the baths, she has showered in stall-type showers with doors that swing open. The kids bathroom has the tub/shower combination with sliding glass doors. She was so excited last night when I told her she could take a shower. She got all ready, took one look inside of it, and changed her mind. She became apprehensive about the massaging shower head and the doors. She convinced her sister to shower with her. I am laughing so hard, just thinking about this post- and the obvious title- "Sisters Shower Together". I'm sure I'll get tons of hits.

Over 40 and WHAT???

Here's the biggest news in my family. If divorce wasn't enough, now we have my older sister's pregnancy. All I can say about it is: WOW! This is her first child she will be carrying to term, but her third child (the other two were adopted from Russia). My niece and nephew are 15 and 14 years old. So at 44, my sister will be starting babyhood all over. Yikes! I can honestly say I would not want to be in her position. I've fighting to keep my body looking good and with it already being an uphill battle I would not want to put my body through another pregnancy. Sleepless nights, teething, terrible twos, all while dealing with 2 teenagers. Well at least she has a built in babysitter....that's one good thing, besides having a baby to love I suppose.

Photo Game

The Rules:

1) Go to your photo files…Select the 6th photo folder

2) Select the 6th photo in that folder

3) Post that photo along with the story behind it.

4) Then challenge 5 blog friends to do the same!

Unfortunately I do not have 5 blog friends who have not already been tagged, so I will not start a vicious tagging cycle.



How appropriate! I was taking pictures of the kids playing in the pool. Amanda had remarked about how warm the water was, and brought me the pool thermometer to show me. Here we are a year later, and the pool is probably about the same temperature. Just warm enough for me to jump in!

Lack of Posting

I suppoe I could blame summer. Or maybe my upcoming move. Or possibly preparing to start my new job and all the hoops Arizona is making me go through to obtain certification. All would be valid excuses for my lack of blogging. But quite honestly I don't think I have anything interesting to say. I either am complaining about my kids, walking a fine line of libel, or just am drawing a blank. I suppose I am not as interesting as I thought I was. Or perhaps I never was, and I've been just kidding myself. Either way, I will try my best to be funny, engaging, and entertaining. Just not today.

UP

Usu sally I am skeptical when it comes to movies that get 5 stars. Usually I dread going to see "kids" movies, especially animated ones. I normally dread going to the theater with all three children. Today, it was different. My expectations were blown away. I loved this movie. It had all the right balance, the good guy won, there was a message, and it wasn't dumbed down or preachy. The kids laughed, I cried, and no one complained or fidgeted in their seats. I am so happy I didn't wait to see this on video, but I'm sure I will purchase this one for our collection.

The Sad State of Education in Arizona

I could make commentary about how Arizona lacks in it's educational funding, but that wouldn't be half of the scope I would want to speak about. I want to rant on about the ridiculousness of the standards for teachers. The Grand Canyon State's criteria isn't so grand. The "professional" knowledge portion of the AEPA exam was laughable. As long as you chose answers which involved heterogenously grouping students, using multiple modalities for instruction, and fostered good self esteem you had a great chance of answering correctly. While I admit there are many culturally diverse students in our classrooms, it was insane how many questions referred to it, and out of 100 multiple choise questions there were only 3 that addressed students with special needs. Unbeleivable. Now the special education test I took was not even considered professional knowledge, but content area. I beleive I need more professional knowledge and training to address the needs of children with different social, emotional, educational and physical needs. My expertise in law and the ability to ensure every student is able to live up to their potential would be a more specific and arduous task. The state of Arizona feels otherwise. Maybe that is why we are consistently ranked low in our quality and commitment to educating our young and vulnerable.

Fallen Off My Wagon

No I'm not a closet alcoholic, but I have fallen off my wagon. My exercise routine has taken a beaten, and the results is showing. My weight has creeped up close to 10 pounds. Yikes...how could the loss of 3 times a week of cardio and weights do that in just 2 months? My bikini just looks good on my, not "oh my god look at her body!". I have less energy, and I don't feel as well as I should. My strength is lacking, and I've lost some definition. Dang, I sure have a lot of work ahead of me during the summer. I know they will be complaining, but the kids are just going to have to learn to love TRC.

Loops, Circles...It's not Geometry

It is sociology my friends. For the past 8 years I have been in the mommy loop. I could have hour long discussions about potty training, sleeping through the night. I had every statistic on each of my child committed to memory. As my kids entered school, I have been in the sports/scouts/school mom. My expertise now revolves around Little League rules, scouting acheivements, and the latest gossip and goings-on at the elementary school. At Amanada's school play Bugz (which was too cute for words, I wish I remembered my camera), I realized that I am slipping out of this circle. I was not apart of the production. I started thinking "why do they do these events at 9 o'clock in the morning, don't they realize people have to work at this time?" I am crossing over, morphing into working mom. I guess it's time to be on the other side, the one who takes the evening conferences and isn't there at parent pick up. I guess it is inevitable, the loops and circles which you belong to evolve.

Bikini Shopping

Well, I did it. I only cringed once or twice while shopping for the dreaded bathing suit. Not too bad for this old lady, mommy. I also reached my goal of getting a "non" mommy 2 piece suit to show off my new navel bling. Let's see if I have the nerve to wear it out in public. I do have a tendency to have more bravado inside the safe confines of the dressing room. Just in case I'll be looking for a good cover-up until the confidence kicks in.

I'm Wiped Out

Sick. Nasty tummy virus finally claimed me. Besides the obvious, I was exhausted. I've slept most of the day. Bless my son's little heart. He was the only one who showed me any sympathy. He made his sister's breakfast and lunch today so I can sleep. He even offered to make dinner (more than I can say for his father, but then what do I expect from someone who hates me). Who knew I raised such a wonderful, kind, and generous 10 year old. I am so proud of him for taking care of me.

Next of My Great To-Do List

File for Divorce- Check
Obtain Full Time employment- check
Complete Girl Scout year- check

Well, at least I have made progress. I need to finalize all my paperwork, divide everything up. Argue some more about money and how cringe about how expensive raising children is today. The next big thing after that would be finding housing. I'm hoping with my new job and my settlement from the divorce I'll be able to tackle the next daunting task. Do we stay here in town where we are closer to our friends and the children's school? Or do I go for more affordable living quarters and move to where my job is located? I am hesitant to make that major of a move while still new to this position, and the market crashed hard in that area. What if I don't like working there, and am back on the hunt again? It is further removed, and would make it very difficult to commute. Do I rent a house or a condo? This would give me more flexibility, but the kids would have to move again eventually. This is probably harder than finding a job in this week market. But I did manage to do that, so I suppose I need to have faith, and beleive I will find something suitable for us to live.

Read All About It!

In case you are not on my Facebook planet, here is the latest, hot off the press news.

Yesterday, while subbing a 1st grade class for Tempe, I found out I was being offered a contract for next year at another school. This was the culmination of a long journey of interviewing and applying for many, many positions all over the greater eastern Phoenix area (no can call me inefficient). The position is for 1st grade at a charter school in Queen Creek AZ called EduPrize. I am so happy! I know the job market is tough, and so many have lost their jobs recently, so I am grateful. It is funny with there being such a high demand for Special Education teachers, I wind up with a general education placement. While I have dual certificates, it would be more logical to acheive a position as the former. Who knew my undergraduate experience would be more beneficial than my graduate work? Makes you wonder.

Now, I am an important step closer to independence in my divorce proceedings. Next, housing.

Kid's Day

That's what everyday is in this house. Including today...Mother's Day. Sure my kids made me sentimental cards and presents at school, but that is where it ended. No sleeping in late, the screaming, fighting and coming into my room to complain about their sibling stopped that. No breakfast in bed, actually no breakfast at all. They complained about what I served them instead. Lunch? Well, Jason did make his own. And since their dad and I are divorcing, there was no consideration from him, or his help in letting them celebrate. Why should I think this year would be much different than any other years past? Our big outing was to see Hannah Montana movie (sorry Jason) for that was the only thing I could think of to keep them from fighting and stop Rachel from complaining she is hungry.

There are people out there who have lost their mothers. Some have passed away, others are lost to different situations (drugs, incarceration to name two). These people are hungry for a mother figure in their lives. Mine, take it for granted not fully realizing how lucky they are to have someone who loves their selfish little butts so much.

So, I put on a smile, and pretend it's just another day. For really that is all that it is, the second Sunday in May.

Childcare Dilemma

Well, I have a job as a Sub in Tempe. I suppose it would be more real if I was actually able to work the job. John's crazy work schedule tied in with Rachel going to school half day is putting me in a bind. There is work for me. I have decline at least 6 placements for today because he is working from 1 to 10 today and there would be no one to watch Rachel and then Jason and Amanda for the balance of the day. Next week, he took off only one day during the week. Friday. Wow, I can really get some good hours in. Why is it when he works, childcare is my responsibility? It is just assumed. Now that it is my turn to be employed, I am the one who has to arrange for it? It is my burden to ensure my children are taken care of. Is it my employment is not as critical as his? I make less money, therefore I am not as deserving? Is it more for him to punish me for wanting to be divorced from him? All I know is I feel my position is diminished. My career needs once again are not important. I realize we are not a couple, but as parents we both should shoulder the burden of their care and well being. Not just me because it has been my responsibility alone for the past 10 years. I have a right to work just as much as he does.

Cinco de Mayo

I'll never forget a few years ago, watching Jeapordy there was a question regarding this date in Mexico's history. The tv show was referring to it being Mexican Indpendence day. I was having a fit over this. How could Jeapordy mess this one up. Gosh, even wikipedia has it right. It marks the date in which the French was defeated in a city. "Indpendence Day" is in September. Ah, but purists like me are hard to find. I suppose if I drank I'd do enough shots of tequila until I forgot about it. I guess it's taco for dinner instead. Happy Cinco de Mayo to all my Mexican friends.

Overscheduled and Overworked

May seems to be a crazy month. It is supposed to be the end of the year, and winding down. It has turned into parties, girl scouts events, baseball and now job interviews. I'm going to have an ulcer trying to secure a job. This being in flux in killing me. Knowing I might have to move my kids to what will be affordable is scary since that may mean a trailer in Apache Junction. I am not as excited about my kids plays as I normally would be. Parties just mean I need to buy another present for a teacher or friend of my children. I feel drained from my brownies and the commitments I made with them. I know my best case scenario will be not leading Amanda's troop. My worst case scenario is tied to my daughters turning into TPT. I know I must be patient and have faith that everything will work out. But even an optimist would have a hard time I think.

Tweet or Not Tweet

I'm not talking about getting a bird, even though that would give my cats and kids such great pleasure. I am referring to Twitter. Do I jump on the bandwagon? I am quite a follower...Blogger, Myspace, Facebook...(shh...don't tell Girl Scouts I'm suppose to be a leader). But Twitter. Don't I keep people updated enough about my mundane life on those social sites? Do I need to be any more social, I've quite often been called a butterfly? I type enough on my cellphone, isn't that why I have unlimited texting? Another mode of communication without actually seeing each other. Isn't this just another way to further alienate myself by diving into another cyber electronic means of imparting information? Who am I kidding, I'll be roped in without incident....I'm just prolonging the inevitable.

Some Satisfaction

I am certainly grasping at straws here. My excitement over getting a substitute position in Tempe has made my day. Substitute. Hey I'll take it. I hope Chandler will also offer me subbing. Now I just have to make certain those teachers get sick.....is it wrong for me to start wishing ill health on those poor hard working, full time employed teachers?

Eight Things

Eight Things.....

I look forward to.....
1. A bright new future. 2. Rachel starting all day school. 3. Returning to career mode. 4. Seeing my children grow. 5. Watching my son play baseball. 6. A day without whinning. 7. A sun-filled day 8. A good workout.

I wish I could do....
1. Sing. 2. Not procrastinate. 3. Be more positive. 4. Run. 5. Go home to NY for a visit. 6. Go on a shopping spree. 7. Take the kids to Disneyworld. 8. Stay away from cookies.

I did yesterday....
1. Worked out. 2. Laundry. 3. Girl Scout Meeting. 4. Book Club at Paradise Bakery. 5. Wal-Mart (yuck). 6. Hung out with Mike. 7. Sent faxes...lots of faxes. 8. Went to an open house.

Shows I watch....
1. Real Housewives. 2. All My Children. 3. Top Chef. 4. Project Runway. 5. Desperate Housewives. 6. House Hunters. 7. News. 8. Millionaire Matchmaker

My New Full Time Job

No, don't get excited. I haven't been offered any teaching positions just yet. I have seemed to now excel at this new employment I have seemed to create. It's called "searching". I am constantly searching for work. Constantly searching for possible placed to live. Constantly searching for good deals on the Internet on clothing and food. I am excelling at the art of "Search Engine". I think I might have to add it to my resume. Now I wonder if it would go under the "Skills" section or the "Hobbies".

Volunteerism

I know it is in the spirit of giving, we volunteer. We give of ourselves to others, to better someone else's world. It is time consuming. It is exacting. It can take it's toll. It seems people forget that volunteers are not required to participate and be there all the time. We make mistakes. We try hard to be the spirit of the organization in which we represent. I do not have a secret agenda. I do not appreciate the back talking, the lack of respect and the negative attitude. Without our volunteers in the world, many distinguished organizations would cease to exist. These programs are available because someone like me has taken the time out her busy schedule to be an influence on the world. Quite honestly, I have had enough. There is no appreciation for the hard work. No true realization how much effort and planning goes into each activity. I am tired of having parents complain about how I do things, or how the rules are explained to me. I'm tired of having my judgement and knowledge not trusted. I'm tired of having people who have no time to volunteer complain about me living up to the goals of the organization. So now it is my turn to be the one who is not involved but will hopefully reap the rewards of someone else's servitude.

Blown Away

The wind has been howling. I thought it was suppose to be April showers, not April gusts. Apparently, in the desert this is the case. I don't remember it being this bad in years past, but the blowing dust is killing my allergies. I just love the grit of dirt in my eyes. The taste of the sand in my mouth as I am watching another baseball game (why, oh why does these windstorms keep happening on game days?) I'm putting on my Angels hat, taking my allergy meds, and bringing saline for my eyes. Hopefully I will have a few weeks before I start complaining about it being 108 again.

Candy + Holidays = Stuffed Tummy

Why, oh why is every major holiday have major eating involved? And so many of them the focus is chocolate. Just think of it....Halloween, Christmas, Easter....I can just taste the chocolate from that darn bunny on my lips. Those sweet, innocent mini chocolate bars that are harmless when you eat 12 of them. Good food, fun times, friends and family always seem to go hand in hand. We overindulge, and complain afterwards. Destined to do it again next time. Luckily the warmer months usually means less gorging.

Regional Attitude Differences

A good friend of mine who is a west coast native recently went on a weekend jaunt to New York City. While relaying her travels, she made a point about the perceived rudeness of New Yorkers. She admitted if she hadn't known me she would certainly view them in that light, but I have changed her mind. The attitude isn't rudeness but in fact abruptness. She finally understood how the pace of society there dictates how we would speak with each other. How you need to know what you want to order right away or other people get annoyed. The tour guide at the museum telling the group to hurry up. She finally understood my frustrations with the laid back west coast thing, and how I talk about trying to mellow out here. So my question to all my readers, do you think there truly are regional differences or is it just a stereotype?

Yeah, I Really Have Done That

and no dumb blonde jokes about me either, or I will deck you! My friend Jennifer (see her blog link on the right? use it!) has inspired me to make my own list of faults/gaffes/blunders, what was I thinking moments. Here you go:

1. I have eaten a whole box of Samoas and I *highly* recommend it. It was almost better than sex.

2. I too forget which way is left, and use the L hand trick too.

3. I have let me kids stay in the same pajamas all weekend.

4. We have eaten ice cream for dinner.

5. I lie to the workout equipment about my actual weight, like it would know the difference or care.

6. The only way I know my multiplication facts for 6s, 7s and 8s is by knowing my 5s, 9s and 6x6, 7x7, and 8x8 and I'll either add or subtract to find the answer. (Yeah I know memorizing it would probably be easier, but I came from the educational generation that didn't have to memorize any facts, and didnt' know my phonics until I took a course in teaching reading).

Summer Sandal Selections

I'm dreaming again.....but not about handbags anymore. Bluefly drew me in with Christian Louboutin sales. I of course resisted buying, but you can't stop me from looking and dreaming. Here are a few of my favs, since we all know April is sandal season in the southwest!



These Stuart Weitzman's are a strappy love for me. My friend Jennifer can just picture me at the public pool in my bikini chasing after my kids in this....NOT! But they would look really cute with the perfect little black dress.



What would summer be without a pair of Diors? These would suit me just fine.



Rainbow Jimmy Choos.....now that says summer in the Hamptons to me. What's not to love?

Friendship Lost

I knew when I uprooted and moved 2500 miles away from where I grew up and lived most my life I would change the landscape of my existing friendships. Beleive it or not, that was one of the most difficult things I had to do, leaving my friends. It has now been almost 4 years since I arrived in the Valley of the Sun, and my friendships have evolved. One has grown stronger....another has remained, but I sure do miss her. And yet another one has been lost.

I never thought in my 25 years of knowing my friend, that we would stop. This is not my choice. This is due to a misunderstanding, and one that can easily be rectified. I undderstand why she would be mad at me, but she is mistaken in her reason. I am not angry, and it is one sided. At a time when my life is in such upheaval, I long for the closeness of the people who have known me for most of my life. I ache for the stability, just to give me some connection. But it is gone. I will always be here if she changes her mind, but I feel like my heart has been broken.

Fourth Quarter Blues

The end of the school year is near....always marked by end of the year standardized testing of my older children. The focus on school projects (how I hate them...more work for me). The daily fight of what to wear to school (shorts vs. pants). The arguements about even going to school, obviously the novelty has worn off. The threat of the summer heat is on my heels. The bordem of staying in town for the summer also looms. The stressing out over next year's teachers (yes, I know the new school year is almost 4 months away. Ahhh...it must be spring.

Ms. Negativity

I need to be more positive. I dread things on habit, and sometimes things turn out alright. I don't want to deal with the morning tantrums and I anticipate the arguments even before they start. I just see all that can go wrong, and I want to run for the hills. Many times my worst case scenario doesn't happen. I've been seeing the bad side of things lately. I try to hide it from the world. Put on a smile and pretend everything is peachy, when you don't want to. I need to see the more positive sides of things, or at least not harp on the bad.

Job Search 202

I went on my 2nd interview in 10 years yesterday. It is for a Charter School in Queen Creek. I must admit I wasn't as nervous about it as I thought I would be. I was anxious prior to going (visions of my tardiness danced in my head), and how professional I looked, but the actual time spent with the principal was not a cause of stress. I think it went well. I looked nice in my light brown retro-50s inspired loose belted Calvin Klein dress from TJ Maxx. I paired it with a smart brown purse and fun open toed sling backs. Conservative but not stuffy. It was a very laid back interview, which I'm not certain if it was because of the environment of the school or the fact that it is Arizona and dressed up means no flip flops allowed. None the less, professional me has arrived. I must say I think this stay at home mom earned some interview props from his feedback. Now if I actually land the job, that is another story.

Background Change

I was bored. I shouldn't search for html codes. I haven't abandoned the purpose of the change (keeping my New York background until I get to go home with my kids). But this one was too cute to pass up. Maybe the black background is reflective of my mood,I'mnot sure. But I do know I miss my home and my old friends, even my cousins....

Whole Lotta Prada Purse Love

While dream surfing on Bluefly.com I came across these beauties of purses. Since it is the official beginning of spring, I'm thinking new purses! So....anyone have an extra $1500 lying around they want to lend me? Anyone?? Didn't think so. A girl can always dream....

Need to Find My Groove

I have been feeling a bit scattered lately. I suppose this is what people with ADD must feel like. I have fallen off my weight loss and fitness goals (yep I've gained 8 pounds this year and am now ticked off about it). I go to the gym, but don't have to strong pull to be there. It use to be my happy place, where I would go and refocus myself. Now it feels like a chore. I am stress eating, and I know it. No hunger there (thanks again Paxil). I have now resigned myself to start looking for employment at my second and third choices (and even thought about my bottom of the barrel least rewarding teaching experiences). Desperation is creeping in. I just want to find a bit of a groove. To feel like I have a routine. Not: will I have a job?, where will I be living?, what will I be doing? I just need to regain some sense of control. I guess I should start with my fitness, at least I have some control over that.

Youngest Child Syndrome

Birth Order. I never did give it much credit, until I looked at me own children. Three children, who are epitomize the theory. Rachel, my youngest, she is killing me with being the youngest. The baby. She teters on wanting to be involved with the older kids, and milking her status as the little one. She will whine and cry until she wears us down. She wants us to dress her. To wash her. To carry her. She manipulates people to get her way. But when we tell her she isn't old or big enough to do something, she pouts and throws mini tantrums. All of a sudden she is big enough. She has become a little tyrant and is wearing the whole family thin. But she is the baby of the family, and that will not change.

Spring Has Sprung

Here in Arizona, spring means the return of upper 80s weather. Pollen in March. And me sneezing, stuffy and miserable. I do admit to liking spring....what with baseball and short sleeves (and me arguing with the kids about wearing shorts...gosh they only get to wear them from end of April until the end of October for goodness sake!

But too much is in bloom. Too many headaches. Too much spring cleaning. And now this year I have added the pressures of turning my world upside down. The trees and plants are having a new life, who knew I would be unconsciously jealous of the season and be creating my own?

Era Living

No, I'm not talking about the Equal Rights Amendment. This isn't going to be a feminist rant. I'm talking about different time periods in which you would like to live (maybe not a whole life, but a little time travel vacation to) and experience. As many of you know I am a bit of a historical fiction buff, so these thoughts have crossed my mind quite often.

The Elizabethan times was one of my first thoughts. Think castles and knights in shinning armor. Court life and the fantastic gowns. Mind you I would have to be rich to want to experience it. I don't see too much glamour in being a scullery maid.

Victorian England (ok, my British roots are showing). Again the gowns....but damn I bet my waist would look realll good in a corset, it might be worth not being able to breathe. The chivalry, the idleness. Again I would have to be rich, and definitely in the latter half of the time period, those bustle were pretty ugly in the early part. Plus some more modern conviences did start popping up, like gas lamps and train travel.

The 1920s. Just reading about the flapper experience wows me. It is quite interesting that I would want to live both Victorian and the roaring 20s, since the latter is a direct response to the former. But again, the fashion draws me. The jazz and the speak-easies would be such a thrill.

I wonder if future generations will look back upon the time my life has spanned and wish to live in my own era?

FedEx and Free Copies

I came across this article from my old hometown newspaper, Newsday. It is a quick one and gave me a bit of a chuckle:

http://www.newsday.com/business/ny-bzfedex0311,0,6292408.story

It is comforting to know I am not the only one who is need of these give-aways.

Personal Economic Crisis

I shudder to look at the Dow...my stocks have lost so much value it makes me physically ill. My home has lost about 100k. My bank accounts accumulate almost 0 interest. As we are dividing up our assets, it's becoming increasingly clear, I will be officially poor. I need a job desperately in order to survive. Nevermind being able to have some luxuries, we are talking about having a roof over mine and my children's head. It's been a long time since I was poor. I've forgotten how hard it is to live on my salary alone....paycheck to paycheck. Right now I'll just settle for a paycheck at all, but then again Arizona will penalize me in my support if I make any money at all. What a lovely catch-22 it is.

Clone Myself

Spring must be in the air. The kids activities triple, and of course they all occur at the same time. Alas, such is the life of a mom with 3 kids. Eventhough I have caught a break with only one playing baseball (instead of three like in the fall with soccer), I still seem to run around on the weekends. Drive Jason to practice, drive Rachel and Amanda to a party, drive back to the field for Jason, and back again for the girls. That is how I spent about three hours of my day. I just wish I could clone myself...it would make it so much easier. Maybe I should just keep going back in time to those crazy days to help myself out. But I'm certain that would mess up the time continum somehow. It's been awhile since I was in calculus and physics....so I'll leave that to my ever so loyal readership to figure out.

Spring Break

Someone needs to inform our school district Spring doesn't begin until the middle of March, and the majority of our break is not during the time. It should be called "two weeks of your children arguing and driving you crazy with their complaining they are bored". But I suppose that would be too long to fit on their calendar. I truly am despising the "modified" calendar our schools are following. For those of you not in our district, this means starting school around the 25th of July and going until the end of May. The trade off is three 2 week breaks during the year, which always have a day or two tacked on so half the months of October and March are spent at home. I always have some grandiose plans of going sight seeing or vacationing. It never seems to pan out. This break I think the only major accomplishment will be cleaning out their old toys and their bedrooms. Good ol' Spring Cleaning for Spring Break.

Gives You Hell

Gotta love All-American Rejects.

Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l06M-dsQf3Q

Carb Freaking

I am not hungry. Not in the least. It's in the middle of the afternoon. I have spent the last hour or so looking for employment and housing. Staring at numbers and budgeting options. What do I do with my raising anxiety? Girl Scout Cookies. Bread. Candy. Empty calories, but even more enticing, Carbs! I swear I can't add that much time to my treadmill to counteract my negative eating habits. I know upping my Paxil doseage is not the answer. It's relaxation of my brain. I need to channel these bad habits (for that is exactly what they are) into something more constructive. Maybe every time I want to head to the pantry, I should just do crunches.

A Whole Decade

Another milestone has been reached. My oldest child turns 10 on Tuesday. Double digits. It really makes me feel old. Now my kids don't seem so young anymore. And that ages me. I remember when Jason was in preschool, and there were some other moms who were there with their youngest. That was when I was the "young" mom, and they were the old ones. They would be complaining about hot flashes and wrinkles. I would chuckle as they would lament about PTA and Little League. Oh how quickly that has come back to bite me.

But this is about Jason, not me.

So now I have an older child, a tween. He is still such a darling little boy. He still doesn't like girls. He loves his video games and playing sports. He has no clue about fashion, and he still beleives in fair play. He starts Webelos and is basically a great kid. I'm sure I will look back and be grateful for the wonderful son I have. I hope he grows to be an awesome adult someday.

Be Aggressive, B-E Aggressive

I can hear the cheer in my head as I am writing this (see you can be smart *and* a cheerleader too). But I am really going off topic here. I need to start thinking about stepping up my game in my job search. The boon days are definitely over, and I need to be aggressive in order to land a job. Gosh, I hate tight job markets, but a girl needs to be realistic. Just because there is suppose to be a demand for special ed teachers doesn't mean there is a position awaiting me with my name engraved on it. I think next week is the perfect time to write my introduction letter, strap on some heels, slither into a conservative yet professional skirt, and hit the pavement. Wish me luck readers. I am going to need it. Money is going to get really tough this year, and I need to work in order to keep my head above water.

Time....Whizzing on By

Um, hello? I think I missed February. Last thing I seem to remember was International Festival, and that was in January. All of a sudden, March is this weekend. My poor son, I seem to do this every year, and his birthday (March 3rd) is put on the back burner. Bless his soul he is such an easy kid to please, otherwise I would be up the creek without a paddle. We went last night to pick out his present (a digital camera), but we still haven't made any plans to commiserate him entering double digits. March just sneaks up on me. Kind of like the last 10 years and those pesky ten pounds....

Freakonomics

For bookclub we are reading this non-fiction work. Freakonomics uses economic principles to explain various societal issues. It is certainly a different type of book than you would expect a club to be reading. The chapter titles are definately eye catching, but I must admit that the subject mastter is boring to me. There is a lot of information using numbers and that seems to trip me up. I have forgotten my math ADD. I thought I liked statistics in college, but this analysis of data, while in a unique way to support the authors positions, is just plain boring. I wish it wasn't, but so be it. I will finish this book. That I do promise. And I look forward to hearing the arguements of my friends in support or not of the author's opinions. But so help me if someone starts quoting statistics, I will scream. (Yep picture it, me with the hands over my head yelling "I can't hear you, I can't hear you. La, la, la, la.....)

Ready, Set, Race

It was Pinewood Derby Day! Jason was so excited to race his metallic green car. This was his second Derby and his anticipation was high. There were nearly 30 cars and the competition was strong. In the end Jason had the following results: 3rd, 2nd, 2nd, 1st, 3rd. He fared well, but some of the cars were super fast. But he had fun and that is what matters most.

Jason was also awarded his Bear rank. He made it just in time, since he moves up to Webelos on his birthday (March 3rd). Nothing like waiting until the last minute to finish. But in all...it was a good day.

Take My Temperature, Please....

I got a phone call on Thursday from my friend Jamie. She was going to have some alone time during the day on Friday. She suggested we go for lunch and some shopping. Come Friday, I had no desire to go. I turned down shopping? I think it must be a first. I think my first word as a child was Macy's. I love shopping. I am thinking about lobbying the International Olympic Committee to make it an event in the next Olympics (oh the joy it could be a Winter, Summer event....or BOTH!). I still have money on gift cards from Christmas. Nope. I stayed home, cleaned up after Bunco and chilled out. I must be ill....

My Sweet Tooth

First I would like to give props to my friend Sara....the lemon bars and truffles were a huge success at Bunco tonight. I, of course, gave her all the credit and pointed to my refrigerator where the recipes were prominently displayed.

My sweet tooth has been sneaking in on me again. I seem to recall a similiar episode around halloween, so I am hoping that it too will pass. But until then, I seem to want candy, chocolate, licorice....even carbs. It has been so bad lately, it's bordering on scary. I am not hungary. I am guessing it is stress related, since I have been a walking disaster area (please, do not call FEMA...they would only make it worse). I still have very little appetite, thanks to Paxil, but dang around lunch time I just have to eat the leftover starbursts. Make it stop please...

Ending of An Era

Seven years and 8 months.

That is how long I have been out of the paid workforce. Today I make 2 steps to ending this part of my life. I will be registering my youngest child in full day kindergarten (one way or another she will be full day). She is over 5 years old and very ready to move on. Staying at home with just mommy isn't enough for her anymore. She is ready and happy to start attending school with her big sister and brother (not that they are looking forward to it, mind you). But also, I will be going on my first job interview in over 9 years. This probably scares me the most. Re-entering the workforce after so much time. Will I be able to justify my time during my absence? Raising my three children, my volunteer work must count for something? Will I be able to answer questions with another adult and not have a child at my foot? I admit, I am scared. I've been coping with it by not thinking about it. Sure it is a terrible time to be seeking employment. But I can still dream about getting that perfect job, right?

RSVPing

I'm not sure if it is West Coast thing or what, but I never can seem to get people to respond to invitations. I am hosting Bunco on Thursday, and I have yet to hear from 7 out of the 12 invited guests. This is a monthly gathering, so no big surprises about it being on the calendar. You would think that would make it easier to get responses. Apparently not. I guess I'll just have to start harrassing people starting on Tuesday, so I know how many to expect and if I need subs.

When IS You Kid's Bedtime??

I would like to add this disclaimer before I rant on- I have been accused of being a bit too diligigent when it comes to bedtimes. Strict has been used to describe it quite often. So possibly my views maybe skewed, however, my friends who were with me appeared equally annoyed, so I suppose not.

To avoid the kiddie crowd, my 30 something friends and I went to a 10:10 showing of Shopaholic. Since it was at the mall, we thought it prudent to avoid the teeny-boppers and some of the opening day crowds. Our instincts were somewhat correct. We enter the theater (after a long trek in the Arizona winter evening) and there is plenty of seating 5 minutes before start time. Perfect. We scope out seats with no one infront of or behind us. Room to talk and ooooh and aaahhh over the fashions. As the movie is about to start a couple of women walk in with very young children. A baby and a sick toddler. Guess where they sit? Yep, right infront of us. I lost count how many times one of the adults left with the baby in the stroller and I know my friends lost count on the times the toddler coughed. What are these people thinking? Couldn't they find other seats? What would possess them to come to a movie that ends after midnight? And feed their 3 year old an Icee too? At the end of the movie I was surprised to see there were at least 2 other under 10 kids at this movie. All I can ask myself is WHY???

Sisterhood

Anyone who knows me well, knows my only sister and I do not get along. We are polar opposites. We were not close as children, and while we have gone through some periods of time where we got along those times were rare.

Now that I have 2 daughters of my own, I see their dynamic in a different light. Being 2 years apart can be a curse or a blessing for my new angels. They fight like cats and dogs sometimes (I swear Amanda goes to sleep at night thinking of new ways to make her sister cry). It can get ugly. They yell horribly mean things to each other. But then there are times they are looking for each other and they can actually play for a few hours without World War III erupting. Today, Rachel begged me to bring her up to Amanda's school to have lunch. Our school encourages this and for some unknown reason I complied. We were there in time for Amanda's recess (it is before lunch). Rachel was being shy and didn't want to walk over onto the fields where Amanda was playing with a friend. She coerced me down the wet slope. When Amanda saw her, she ran over to her little sister and picked her up. Big sister promptly began to show off her little sis to her friends. They actually sat together and ate lunch without fighting. It wasn't exactly a Norman Rockwell moment, but I'll take it. Perhaps there is hope yet for my girls!

The Curse of Facebook

Social networking. It has turned into a fun way to keep in touch with good friends, family and old acquaintances. It is also a way to have information about you put forth in a very public way. Sometimes you lose your privacy easily. With one stroke, one comment, you can become this weeks gossip. Everyone can know personal details of your life without your side or explanation. You will be whispered about behind covered mouths. Those who are curious will seek you out and pretend to care. I suppose in the cyberworld there isn't much anonymity.

Just Groovin'

I'm not a huge fan of Jason Mraz, but I do dig this one.

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Play Ball

I know I am rushing the season, but I am a little excited for it. Jason had try outs last week and I can't wait to get it started. Maybe it's the beautiful weather we have had the past 2 weeks, but I can almost feel spring training in the air. I love the beginning of the season, when there is excitement about practices. The weather is still nice, and we aren't roasting and praying for only early Saturday games. But there is something just so fun, and dare I say American, about watching your 10 year old in the field with his baseball hat on concentrating so hard he doesn't even hear you cheering.

Frost's Nothing Gold Can Stay

Not sure what else to write today. Life has gotten complicated, so I thought I would share on of my old favorites. I remember having to memorize this poem in high school, and of course many of you will remember it from the movie, "Outsiders".

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leafs a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

Just Say NO!

I was a kid from the 80s, but apparently I ignored that message from Nancy Reagan. Now, relax I'm not talking about drugs....not my thing. I'm referring to my innate ability to volunteer myself for things. I just can't resist. I am finished with the International Fest, and the rest of the year I'm in the clear with additional scout responsibilities. Am I satisfied with that? Nope. As soon as their was a call for assistance in planning the Leader Dinner, guess who's hand goes up? Yep, that would be me...I'm just a sucker it seems.

So THAT'S Why I volunteer

I do rant alot, especially about Girl Scouts (not that I need to tell any of my good friends this), and have "quit" at least 4 times in the past 3 years. But I keep refocusing, and going back. My daughter enjoys it, without me there might not be a troop, other girls wouldn't be involved, leadership is a quality I want my daughter to possess, compassion for others is another. Yeah, yeah, blah, blah....It's the dealing with the adults and the paperwork that takes the joy out of it (kinda like teaching!).

This weekend was International Festival. I was a co-organizer for this two neighborhood event. I did almost *nothing* prior to the event. My co-organizer was fantastic, and maybe even more of a control freak than I am, and did all of the leg work preparing for the day. My responsibilities was getting my troop ready to represent Ireland and running the event that day. I was semi-prepared with my troop, and didn't do any prep work for the latter....But somehow it all pulled itself together and I think it went well! My daughter was able to see her mom as an authority figure over 300 people. She witnessed me organize the 19 troops and run an entire event- almost completely on my own. The only 2 blips- forgetting to retire the colors and not having an icepack in my first aid box, were minor for an event of this size. I've always enjoyed the spirit of International Festival, and was proud to be apart of it. However, for my next try-it meeting, my girls will be working on their first aid boxes....

Control

I admit it, I have the Janet Jackson song playing in my head, but I was too lazy to look for it on YouTube. After reading my friend Jennifer's (Broken Bananas- link is on the right ladies) blog post about fighting over wearing jackets, I did a little soul searching. I suppose I have found another 12 step program I need to be in (shopping and Facebook are two others that quickly come to mind). I...Am....A...Control Freak. Arghhhh....I admit it. I make (no arguments here...no use they lose anyway) my kids wear jackets, I must have my bed made, we have a set routine for the morning so I don't kill anyone and get out the door in an orderly fashion. They are not allowed to eat anything without asking permission. I am sometimes a drill sargeant with my kids, barking out orders. Bedtime has it's own rituals. I have managed to resist the temptation of running my home like a classroom. It's good to know I did realize where to draw the line. I can only imagine the rebellion I am going to face once they are teenagers.

Class Pictures

Be aware....these rights of school passage come back to haunt you! Recently on Facebook a former elementary school attendee has dug up some old ones from the late 70s and early 80s. We look pretty scary....the fashions, the hairstyles, the ugly backgrounds. Some of them are brutal. I'm just gonna have to go digging in my garage to find mine....time to make some other people cry (either from sadness, embarassment, or laughter- your choice!) I just can't wait for 20 more years for my kids to say the same thing I've been lamenting, "what was my mother thinking dressing me like that?"

Jumping Through Hoops

The great state of Arizona feels it is necessary to torture teachers from other states seeking certification. There is no true reciprocity (unlike a few east coast states), so you must apply and verify all your documents. My Master's Level degrees are not sufficient proof to this state (which has lower requirements for it's teachers) is not proof enough of my capabiities. My passing scores on national exams, which exceeded Arizona's passing grades, are not valid. $120 is my privilege for a temporary license valid for one whole year. Then I get to pass a course in Arizona State government and a professional knowledge test (who knows, maybe more than one) before they will allow me to convert my Reciprical license for another temporary time period. All for additional fees, of course. Ah, the joy of government red tape.

Why Paxil, Why???

I have often raved about the wonderous affects of my Paxil....the good riddance to the PMDD, the lovely side effect of loss of appetite. But why no alcohol? Alcohol makes me happy. Really, I'm a giggly, fun drunk. I would think this would make a great combination. And when I am really in a bad mood (even after having my daily dose), I should be able to drink. I like drinking. I like the taste of wine and beer. I dig margaritas and fruity concocations. I like ordering the fun drinks from TGIFridays. But, NOOOOOO. I get to be the designated driver. Gosh, the least my friends can do is some crazy stuff that I can blackmail them with on Facebook.

Sheer Panic and Fear

Last evening I stopped off at my ATM to get cash for Bunco. I never carry cash, living on my debit card is the norm. Apparently I left the card in the stupid machine (it eats the card during the transaction, instead of you just swiping it). I didn't realize my card was lost until I went to pay for McDonald's tonight (yep another stellar moment in parenting). I was in such a panic. I dumped out the contents of my purse, almost in tears over losing something so important. And that is when it hit me! Damn you ATM machine, and damn my need for cash! Luckily I was able to report it lost immediately, and it doesn't look like it was used in the interim. Now make that two lost important cards this year, debit and my fingerprint clearance care. I fear this is going to be a slippery slope....

Procrastination

Once upon a time, Type A personality defined me. I was motivated, organized, a real go getter. Now, I could care less about many things. I'm almost a slacker (almost because when I realize my transgressions, I freak a little bit). I have been so unprepared for International Fest, I haven't been making Rachel do her homework, I don't check my banking everyday (not to mention I'm not even writing in the check register anymore). I am putting things off to the last moment. I seem to be saying "whatever" alot more now. I've sure loosened up....for good or for bad. Oh well, if you need my I'll be on Facebook or at the gym, or maybe the mall....if not Paradise Bakery is another option...

Prayers and Positive Thoughts

This is some background information about my 18 month old nephew. Today he is scheduled for his 2nd open heart surgery. So much for such a little boy.

Before Dylan was born we knew something was wrong with his heart but we weren't sure exactly what was wrong. We had a bunch of different diagnosis while I was pregnant with him. He was born on 6/19/07 at 10 lbs 7 oz and 21" long. He was absolutely perfect.

They did an echo soon after his birth and was finally diagnosed with transposition of the great arteries, a VSD, an ASD and pulmonary stenosis. He was life flighted to Miami Childrens Hospital about 5 hours after he was born.

He stayed at MCH for 2 weeks before they finally decided to do his open heart surgery called a Rastelli. General recovery time for the Rastelli procedure is 2 weeks. Our miracle heart baby came home one week after open heart surgery and we could not have been happier.

Shattered

Status Quo

Is there a pecking order for women? What I mean, does our society have different levels of respect for women based on their marital and motherhood statuses? Do we respect the married mother more than the single mother? The single childless woman more than the divorced one? Is a widow mother the cream of the crop? Haven't we ever wondered when a women would finally find a man and settle down? Or think to ourselves, when will the newlyweds have children? Do we pereceive a divorcee as a failure? Are we women defined and perceived by our relationship with men and children?

Scouting

This is my third year as a Girl Scout leader (1 as a Daisy and 2 as a Brownie) and I've lost my mojo. I am guilty of hardly planning our activities and leaving decisions to the last minute. I am hardly encourging my daughter to sell cookies. I'm only holding one Court of Awards this year. I haven't even considered any bridging activities. But I am even failing more in Cub Scouts. My son will be advancing to Webelos in less than 2 months. He isn't even halfway finished with his Bear. Both of us are giving lackluster efforts...,but he still wants to continue. I guess I just need to suck it up and get myself in gear. I don't want my children to remember how they were "sorta" in scouts.

3 Day Breast Cancer Walk

I have been mulling this over for some time now. 20 Miles in 3 days. It certainly is a lot of walking, and especially for a good cause. Those facts are undeniable. Can I do it physically? I'm sure with training I could get myself ready (something I am proud to say now that I couldn't a year ago). But do I want to put in the time and committment? Not just the training aspect, but the money raising and the 3 days itself. Would I want to start a team of my own, with friends and acquaintences (we might not be at the end of the 3 day)? Or join another group who has made a committment, but are strangers? Do I really need to become active in another activity? I already am a Girl Scout Leader (and by the time the walk arrives a Leader for 2 troops), and a volunteer at school and usually for baseball too. Or am I focusing on the negatives too much and not the difference I could make and the discipline it would give me?

Bucket List

Recently I received an email from a friend where you check off things you have done in your life. (I do admit I have done most of the things on that email list, I'm not so sure if that is a good thing or not) So I thought I would devise my own one. Here are my Top Things To Do Before I Kick the Bucket:

1. Go to Australia, Japan, and Russia.
2. Take a hike all by myself and take pictures of the view.
3. Own a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes.
4. Own anything Prada.
5. Swim in the Black Sea.
6. Go to Cannes Film Festival.
7. See the Taj Mahal.
8. See the pyramids.
9. Go to the Superbowl.
10. Get married by an Elvis impersonator in Vegas.
11. Fall asleep to the sound of waves crashing.
12. Write a novel, even if no one publishes it.
13. Be apart of a demonstration.
14. Get kissed at midnight in front of the Eiffel Tower.
15. Master ASL.

I think this is enough to start off with....

To Makeover or Not....

With my new and gym improved body, I've been very busy getting all new clothes that actually fit me. While I haven't made any drastic image changes, I am certainly updated. Now I am wondering about my makeup. I feel like I'm in a drugstore rut. The color palletes are boring me. My skin seems to need something different, I just can't seems to put my finger on it. While at the mall, I considered going into Sephora, or even Dillards. But fear stopped me (not just from expected price). Maybe this is the one area I can't "improve". My abs are flatter, my thighs more toned...but my face is still the same. Same scars, same broken nose and uneven lips, same boring eye color. Only the lines and wrinkles are new.

Things I Shouldn't Have to Ask to Be Done....

But I always seem to do so. Some people make lists for New Year's Resolutions, I am making ones that just plain tick me off lately (well this blog is called RANTINGS, Ravings, and Musings...what did you all expect from this plain domestic goddess???)

1. Pick your clothes up and place them in the hamper without items in the pockets, or socks crumpled up. I do too many loads of laundry to go through them carefully. A little co-operation would go a long way.

2. No throwing tantrums while in the store. I am not going to magically give in. Crying gets you nowhere.

3. If the toilet paper runs out, put a new one in. There are only 50 rolls in the house, how hard can it be?

4. Put your dirty dishes in the dishwasher. It's not that difficult, or is it?

5. If you know I've been to the grocery store, and you hear the garage open, come and help me unload. I hate making 5 trips.

6. Wipe up the crumbs you make after eating. Nothing irritates me more than the little bits all over a counter.

7. If the garbage pail is full (or recycle bucket) take it out.

8. Finish your chore, don't leave it half complete. If it isn't complete, it isn't finished.

9. Putting away laundry. If the basket is in the room with the clothes folded, put them in the drawers. Not too difficult since I hang everything else up myself.

10. Unless we are going someplace special, just get dressed when I ask. And while I am at it, chose things that match, and are in good shape. If it is worn out, we can replace it.

Chores are easily forgotten in my home. If only I could have my dream of everything put away at the end of the day. How I long for the day when I don't have shoes, toys, papers, etc. all over the floor.

Words I Should Record....

...so I can stop myself from smacking myself in the head in frustration because my children just can't seem to listen to me.

1. Stop that!
2. Don't abuse your sister(s).
3. Leave her alone.
4. Turn down the TV.
5. You are too loud.
6. We are having ----- for dinner.
7. Clean up (room, playroom, loft, hallway, familyroom).
8. You need to figure something out (when they try to get me involved in their disputes)
9. We need to leave, NOW!
10. I don't care, brush them again.
11. Yes, you must take a bath/shower.
12. It's too cold for flip flops.
13. Yes you must go to church.
14. Keep your hands to yourself! You don't treat your friends like that!
15. No you may not eat candy.
16. If you don't behave I'll sell your Christmas presents on eBay.
17. I have a headache....
18. OK, we need to separate you all....to your own rooms!

I can't wait for school to start again. I just might sit in the house and drink in the sweet sound of......NOTHING!

Really Talented Kids!

My friend Donna's son is the blonde guitar player. These boys are in 6th grade in Hicksville, New York. They are awesome. Just remember this was taken with home recording in a basement! Enjoy!

Pass the Ginko

I really must need it, or old age is setting in. I had been using the excuse of the Holidays (Halloweem/Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Year's) for my lack of orderliness. I just can't seem to keep everything straight lately. I shopped late. I forgot to buy presents for people. I've been late planning my scouting meetings. Jason has 3 months to finish his Bear award, and it should have been done months ago. I've been forgetting when pay day is, and not immediately authorizing payment for our bills (eventhough there is enough money to cover the amounts.) I'm unmotivated, undisciplined, and underwhelmed.